Do I...? Do I worry again...? I don't even recognize it, It's like a disease...
You know, reasonably worry doesn't make situation better...
As we all know, all the emotions are contagious, so actually when we worry, we normally lose out concentration... For me, it is so much noticeable...
it could make anybody laugh or get angry..... well, most important... I lose control myself...!
But why I worry and I am nervous and feel can't even move... sometimes...?
Well, I'd accepted I'm quite afraid of making mistake. And I'm used to be judged by any onlookers.
Sounds funny....literally, they are simply onlookers... nothing is their business at all.
But I think that's the way I am educated.
If I make mistake, people will judge me and get angry with me...I was scolded...
How funny is that...? now I feel like I was trained dog .... You know, Pavlov's Dog..,which about CONDITIONED EMOTIONAL RESPONSES, well, admittedly I still find myself I'm Jesus Christ well-trained dog....!
When I behave in the right way, I can have meaty bone...or praise..
When I behave in the wrong way, everybody look at me in scolding way...
So I'm keeping worrying....not mainly cuz I remember meaty bone was so delicious, much more because that look of scolding by lots of eyes was so stressful...
Well, I couldn't just blame our way of education... that was the cheapest and easiest way... and we needed to be developed as quickly as we can,which means we hadn't time or energy to spend in emotion or private right..and happiness...
And owing to that sacrifice, we made economic success...It is something.
But it doesn't work well as it did because opinionless, creativity-free clones is suitable for 20C industrial model.
And that's not the way I want to live....
That's what I decide... I'm still Korean.... I'm so happy I'm Korean...I love to be expert about my culture..(to be born there and have nationality as a Korean doesn't make me expert and not enough neither..)
But I'm going to extract some nasty and useless habit out aggressively......
